Dear Endo

Today we are sharing about grief, loss and healing. It’s the 16th day of the WinterABC challenge and congratulations to everyone that has made it thus far.

I’ve always wanted to write a letter to my chronic illness and i can’t think of a better time than today. Enjoy.


Dear Endo,

In a few years to come we are celebrating a decade since we crossed paths. I hated you so much in the beginning, you made me feel inferior at the peek of my teenage years. The doctors did not make it any better when they revealed that only death could do us part. I was extremely scared and worried that my life would never be the same.

Before you, i’d never heard of any chronic illnesses in our family so i worried a lot that one day in my younger years i’d eventually kick the bucket and be gone from this world.

As i grew up, i noticed you changed too. Some days you’d cause me so much pain i’d wish to die and others you’d be silent and I got to enjoy normal painless life. God knows how hard i prayed to have you stay silent for a long time. He did answer my prayers for a bit and those painless months were my favorite.

Hysterectomy - Stage 4 Endometriosis (The Struggle is real ...
Above all you gave me an Endo Soul

Are you aware you also mess with my mental state? Anyways i had to learn later in life that many of the times i was depressed, anxious or out of my element it was because of you. Endo you broke me, made me have low self esteem and that made me miss opportunities, experiences with my friends and so much more.

What you don’t know is you helped me accept myself. Knowing i had you was one thing but accepting you to be part of my life was another. I like to talk about you so much i started a blog just for you. The day i accepted you is the day i became free just like taking shackles off my feet so that i can dance. (Stolen from Mary Mary – Shackles)

I hope to meet other females like me so that we can build an entire Endo community and use it to do good for ourselves (because we need it) and for less fortunate females carrying their own dose of Endo.

I love you Endo, thank you for finding your way into my body. If it wasn’t for you i’d be somewhere in the world regretting my decisions but you’ve kept me grounded and disciplined. Will not forget how annoying you are sometimes but i love you regardless. (kinda)

I pray you don’t kill me or cause me even greater problems. I’ll eat right, keep my body active and most importantly i’ll listen to my body when i feel you complaining.

Love,

Your Victim.


So for those of you who don’t know yet, i have a chronic illness (i prefer that to saying i am sick) I have a couple of write ups on it here and here. Be sure to check them out and get more insight on it.

Lovely week to you my esteemed readers.

#WinterABC Day 15 : It’s Okay Not to Be Okay

The prompt for Day 15 was writing about something close to my heart. They are quite a number actually so choosing one was hard.

Infact on this day everyone was busy writing their hearts out and all I could do was read. The week had been tough and I had all these obligations to meet, I was tired, stressed and frustrated. Just like a soft cookie I was crumbling to pieces but in my head.


Many of us have read or heard about Mark Manson‘s famous The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck book. It throws more light on this issue but I’ll delve into a bit from my perspective. (Subscribe to his mail listing, there’s great content)

It’s okay not to be okay. A while back I read somewhere that that statement is just an excuse to have people complain and not get stuff done. Well I don’t agree entirely.

Society has a way of pushing us to be strong all the time even when you are just too sad to actually be strong. We are urged to be positive all the time which in reality is not possible. Infact I think it’s not fair, it’s totally and absolutely okay not to be fine all the time.

We all deserve to feel what we need to feel, be it anger, disappointment, happiness you name it. Sometimes we have bad days, we should be able to mourn our losses and cry if it’s what will make us feel better in that moment.

Being a first child I thought I had to have it all together for the sake of my siblings. I wanted them to look up to me so badly I put aside my plans to impress them. This broke me and I’m still recovering. Let’s not forget that none of them asked me to be but I put all this pressure on myself. It was all in my head.

When I’m not in the right mindset I’ll withdraw from people, listen to music, log out of all my social media and enjoy my solitude. Some days when I can’t talk to anybody i’ll cry because it helps me feel better. I’ve lost a couple of friends as result of this but that is also okay.

Accepting that it’s okay not to be strong, it’s okay not to have all the answers, it’s okay to be lost sometimes, it’s okay not to hold back your tears actually makes you stronger.

Acknowledging that it’s just a temporary phase helps you get out of the sad times faster than when you fight it off and act strong yet your breaking on the inside.

Feel free to share your opinions on this in the comments.

Until tomorrow!!

#WinterABC Day 14 Let’s Get Cultural

My inconsistency the last two weeks is embarrassing. I apologize truly and will not give up because i pledged to this. Day 14’s topic was about sharing a cultural aspect from my country or community.

Belonging to two tribes should have given me the upper hand on what to share but that’s just another embarrassment for me to take home. Another embarrassment is how most tribes in Uganda have adopted the Kwanjula culture from the Baganda *Luganda to mean Introduction Ceremony*

I’ve always asked my mother whether there is a subtle way of introducing a partner in our times without being so extra. Her reply is always the same, apparently she is modern and all that extravagance we see these days is too dramatic and such a waste of time and money. To be honest i think she says that to get me off her back and because there’s no man to introduce yet. (I’m very certain things will take a different turn when the time comes)

Kwanjula translated loosely is to introduce someone. The Baganda have a whole marriage process but i’m only familiar with the Kukyala, Kwanjula, Mbagga order that is Visitation, Introduction, Wedding.

The Kukyala (visitation) is where the daughter brings her boyfriend at the time to visit her parents and talk about his intentions with her. Basically they sit in the living room all clad in their cultural outfits planning on how to sell you off and all you do is sit still and look pretty. That’s what i have been told anyways. Recent research, (by me) revealed that in true Buganda culture the boyfriend is not supposed to step foot in the girlfriend’s father’s compound. Rather he is to visit the woman’s paternal aunt and she does the vetting for the parents and prepare him to meet the macho man of the household in occasion two.

Then comes the Kwanjula. At this point in time, the bride price has been discussed and approved. The dates for the wedding and introduction are sometimes set during the Kukyala. The introduction ceremony is where both families come together to know each other more like a meet and greet. Others believe it is also an official engagement ceremony. There are so many assumptions and that is why i don’t get non Buganda tribes adopting this culture.

There is exchange of gifts at the Kwanjula, talking about bags of sugar, a truck of cattle, furniture, numerous food stuffs, gomesis, kanzus (cultural apparel for Baganda) for the parents and aunts and so much more.

Kwanjula Gifts - weddingsug.com
The Gifts!!

The outstanding gifts are the cocks given to the brothers of the bride and the suitcase filled with lingerie and other sex appealing attire for the bride to lure her husband in the bedroom. I attended a Kwanjula meeting late last year and i must say it was interesting. All throughout the ceremony the bride’s family is introduced/staged to the groom’s side, they’ll have a feast later in the day the groom will engage the bride with a ring. They then exchange gifts as well and the groom’s sisters will shower the bride with more gifts. When all is done, the groom and his people leave the home and allow the bride’s family to celebrate how close to marriage their daughter is.

My Wedding – For Fashion, Uganda Wedding, Kwanjula and Kuhingira ...
More Gifts!!

Lastly the wedding comes and we all know how those go. I may have skipped some of the norms that take place during the Kwanjula and Kukyala, my research is still on going. Otherwise these ceremonies are always entertaining and filled with candid picture moments. The Kwanjulas of today have been so modernized you’d think you are at a wedding reception (the extravagance and drama my mom was referring too) I say let people have their moment, everybody has a choice, regrets or no regrets.

EBIFANANYI! Venue Where Rema's Kwanjula Is To Be Held Looks Like ...
Rema’s Introduction Decor (Ug celebrity who supposedly set the bar high for women…..not my words)

There are a couple of concerns with these occasions, which are the pressure attached to these functions and societal pressure to have a bigger and better party, the value women are given in form of bride price and the shame when there is trouble in paradise.

While preparing to write this piece i decided to do research on how other cultures send off their daughters when the time comes. I hope to share some of my findings here,

Until next time, love and light.

#WinterABC Day 13: Immaculée Ilibagiza

Today is Day 13 of the WinterABC challenge with today’s topic being about a notable African personality you’d like to meet and why.

I hope you read my day 12 post which was about an experience in a southwestern village, Kibeho in Rwanda. My personality for the day reigns from Rwanda and her story is years after the apparitions starting in 1994.

Immaculée Ilibagiza was born in the western Rwandan province of Kibuye, in the village of Mataba.

She was separated from her family due to the genocide in which she lost her parents and two of her brothers.

Immaculée and seven other girls had to stay in a tiny bathroom for three months in a house that belonged to Pastor Murinzi. The bathroom door was covered by a wardrobe which spared their lives as the soldiers had no clue how many helpless people lived in that tiny bathroom.

10 years later, Immaculée sitted in the bathroom that her and seven other girls sought refugee for three months

Flashforward to present time, Immaculée lives in New York with her amazing children and husband. With the kindness, generosity and support of Wayne Dyer, Immaculée has been able to tell her story of finding God and how he saved her from during one of the hardest times in Rwanda.

She’s here . . . we know she’s here somewhere. . . . Find her—find Immaculée.” “I have killed 399 cockroaches,” said one of the killers. “Immaculée will make 400. It’s a good number to kill.”

Above are some of the words she heard outside the bathroom from the soldiers who were more than eager to end her life.

Why Do I Want To Me Her?

I simply want to ask how she kept her faith strong and trusted God during that time. Many gave up, got tired of hiding and surrendered. Immaculée in her book Left To Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust explains that she survived because God wanted her to tell her story.

You will feel hope, a hope that inch by inch, we as a people are moving toward a new alignment—that is, we’re moving toward living God-realized lives.

Wayne Dyer

So I’d love to sit down with her over a cup of tea and talk about Faith, Forgiveness, God, Catholicism and Life after the Rwandan holocaust.

Thank you so much for reading and I urge you to check on your family and friends make sure they are okay.

Love and light to you all.

#WinterABC Day 12: My Apparition Experience

November 28th 1981

Kibeho is a small village in Southwestern Rwanda. I and a number of other girls have spent a month or so in school and we study from Kibeho High School.

It’s lunch time, every one is struggling for food that they can’t see what is going on in the dining hall.

Alphonsine Mumureke is standing at the front of the dining hall, head lifted high and she seems to be talking to herself. Suddenly silence fills the hall people are starting to notice and some girls are making fun of her.One of the teachers on duty is called to act on what is happening. Some girls are scared, they are whispering about the new girl who seems to be possessed. A few minutes later she falls to the ground and is rushed to the school dispensary.

January 1982

We are fresh from the Christmas holiday and everyone is excited to be back. We are outside waiting for an address from our teacher and one of the girls move forward.

It’s Anathalie Mukamazimpaka just like Alphonsine she’s tilted her head up and she’s responding to a person we all can’t see.

She later told us the Virgin Mary appeared to her identifying herself as Nyina wa Jambo (Kinyarwanda for “Mother of the Word”). I remember Alphonsine said the same thing but no one believed her. They all thought it impossible and even accused them of being possessed by the devil.

I come from a devout Catholic family, yes I have my doubts as would any other human being. But how can two different people make up a story of something so special and divine. Anathalie’s apparitions emphasized endless prayer and expiation. Simply asking us to make amends for guilt or wrong doing.

I did not stay long enough in Kibeho High to witness Marie Claire Mukangango, who had initially bullied Alphonsine at school because of the visions. She also experienced apparitions which lasted from March 2 to September 15, 1982. The Virgin told Mukangango that people should pray the Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows to obtain the favor of repentance.

Many people interpreted these apparitions as visions foretelling the Rwandan genocide and the second Kibeho massacre. The same place the girls had their moment with the Virgin Mary is the same ground on which they slaughtered innocent souls.

Here is a site you can visit to further understand what these girls went through putting aside my story.

Thank you for reading, until next time.

Proverbs In Vernacular

FUN FACT: My father is an Etesot and my mother is a Muganda. This makes me half and half but due to male dominance i’ll introduce myself as an Iteso. Luckily i got a Kiganda name, Suubi which means Hope.

Today i’ll share with you a couple of proverbs from both tribes some of which i just learned today. My grandmother all the way in Butebo must be disappointed. The children of my father’s household need to go back for lessons myself included.

1. Eyauni epejonon aijar

Translated as: The visitor brings life.

To mean: Its better to share with visitors because they add more blessings.

2. Agali awamu g’egaluma enyama

Translated as: Only the teeth that are joined will bite the meat.

To mean: When people are united, even the strongest enemy or the toughest challenge can be overcome.

3. Ebibe tebyala

Translated as (Loosely): Stolen things don’t yield much

To mean: There is no gain from stealing something that does not belong to you.

4. Nantabulirwa asaabala gwa bumbba

To mean: A person who doesn’t heed to advise is bound to fail.

5. Ekigya omanyi kinyagga bitono

To mean: If something comes your way and you had a clue it doesn’t break you down as much.

I need to visit both my grandmothers and go deeper into my roots. They are always telling us stories but we don’t go much into things like proverbs.

Despite that finding, i enjoyed doing the research for today’s topic.

I would also like to add that during my research someone I reached out to blatantly told me and I qoute “things to do with my tribe will take me no where”. Let that sink in (I still am), we need to reflect on how detached we are from our roots.

Blessed Week Lovely People.

Liebster Award 2020

I humbled to have been nominated for The Liebster Award by the one and only Ms. Abigaba. This is my very first blogging award so i’m extremely excited. Last week she (Ms. Abi) celebrated hitting 200 followers *insert happy dance* She is an amazing writer with such passion which you can see through her work. Ms. Abi is the brain behind Vocalized Thoughts. and she really does play with her words.

Rules

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you, and provide a link to their blog
  • Answer the 11 questions given to you
  • Nominate 11 bloggers
  • Ask nominees 11 questions
  • Notify your nominees once you have uploaded your post

Questions & Answers

  1. What is your favorite book and why?

I have so many favorite books but here is one that really got me. It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover. This was the first novel i read that talked about issues in life you’d normally find in self help books. The genre is not specific but these are novels i read if i’m not lost in a self help book.

2. What song do you currently have on repeat?

It’s not just one song. I have Danny Gokey’s Haven’t Seen It Yet album on repeat. My favorite song on the album is Haven’t Seen It Yet.

3. Which season(Autumn, Spring, Summer or Winter) of the year describes you?

For starters we only have wet and dry seasons of which it could be hot and cold on the same day. Perks of living in a tropical country. I must say i love the rainy season because it’s an excuse to take coffee all day (Being a barista is a dream of mine), wear over-sized sweaters curl up in bed and watch thrillers. That makes me a true introvert….don’t you agree??

4. In the event of an emergency home evacuation, what is the first item you grab?

This is a hard one. Due to excessive panic i’d only think of my phone because it has my Bible, Contacts and Journal. I’d probably not forget my actual Journal, there’s too much in there.

5. Which historical figure would you most like to meet and why?

Micheal Jackson. I’ve read an article that he had skin pigmentation issues hence the change of color. I’d love to hear his true story in regards to that. To date, i’m still disturbed by it.

6. What’s makes a good blog?

A good blog is as good as the effort you put into it. I’ll keep it at that for now.

7. Back to the past or forward to the future?

What is the past?? Forward to the future for me. I’m grateful for the lessons the past taught me but i can’t go back. My point of power is in the present moment to prepare me for the future.

8. Your dream vacation?

Bali island in Indonesia. It’s so BEAUTIFUL!! plus i would love to explore the culture.

9. The greatest movie of all time?

This question is not fair. My greatest movie of all time was Titanic but (yes there is a but) Me Before You took the top position. Watched it four times and i always cry.

10. Wealth or health?

Health is Wealth. Treat your body like a temple.

11. Your proudest moment?

Out growing certain characters or behaviors that i thought were normal. Every time i notice good change i’m proud of myself


My Nominees:

These are fellow bloggers doing amazing work sharing, teaching and enlightening us on diverse issues.

LisaRomans

AmJoanne

HumanityBoss

A peak into Dees World

#WinterABC Day 10, Representing Brands

Over the years representing brands has been about reputable people standing in a positive light for major companies or businesses which increase their sales in the long run.

In my teen years I had my minutes of fame and I thought maybe I could represent these brands. The first one was when I got to take part in a survey for a radio station called XFM. We were categorized according to age and I was the youngest in the room. I saw that as my selling point and assumed I’d automatically make the cut only because people my age were into hip radio stations but to my dismay.

The second minute of fame was after I took part in an essay writing competition with The Straight Talk Foundation. They were looking for representatives in high school and as you can tell, I took part in that too. I thought it was a long shot until I received a branded envelope from The Straight Talk offices. Receiving branded envelopes was such a big deal in school. They made you look important.

Unfortunately I didn’t make the cut and I was utterly disappointed. Before I gave up, I applied for another opportunity to represent a newspaper column that was new at the time. This one hurt the most because I didn’t even get a “we regret to inform you” letter or email.

Looking back, it feels like I was desperate to be somebody. I hated all these companies for not giving me a chance. I wanted to be the face of something and I was denied the opportunity every time I tried.

Writing about today’s topic made me realize branding is about an emotional connection. Yes, I wanted to represent said companies but my sight was not on the bigger picture at the time. I was looking at it from the perspective of fame and all the nice things that come with it.

Why emotional connection? If you love something you’ll go out of your way to do the very best just to deliver outstanding results. Like I mentioned earlier, that was not really my motive.

The brands I appreciate are Pearls For Her, Afrobloggers, 4040 (40 days over smiles) and The Endo Hub.

These brands are well represented and me being part of their community one way or the other is representation enough for me. They’ve rather inspired me to build my own brand which only I can best represent.

What we experience is our own concept of things. That is why no two people see quite the same world, and why, in many cases, different people see such different worlds. To put it another way, we make our own world by the way in which we think; for we really do live in a world of our own thoughts.

Emmet Fox

In conclusion I admire so many brands and yes once in a while I’ll dream of what it would be like representing them. On the other hand, I’m interested in building a personal brand as everyone has two eyes but no one has the same view.

Of Social Media Accounts I Love and Why

Today’s topic is interesting. It’s like a step further getting to know something about all the amazing bloggers I’ve met thus far.

Here are four of other amazing accounts that I follow on the socials.

Pearls For Her (PFH)

I love entrepreneurship and being a career woman. PFH is an amazing platform that was created to help women be both and enjoy every second it. It’s mostly beneficial to already existing businesses but I’d recommend it to anyone. Through their programs and trainings I have learned and I’m still learning. Anxiously waiting to apply my skills. It’s simply two amazing ladies helping other women flourish. Check them out!! They are Ugandan.

Crystal Newman

I listened to her all the years she was on Sanyu FM, my favorite show was a Saturday one where she invited celebrities to share their stories. She left radio not so long ago but came back with a YouTube channel and maintained her concept. It’s no longer about celebrities though but rather people who have stories worth sharing and been judged differently by society. *I’m a very good listener hence I love stories* I also follow her on Instagram, she’s such a foodie and always shares amazing recipes. *I’m a foodie too* Check out her pages. She’s also from my motherland.

Transformation Church/ Michael Todd

The channel and man of God behind Relationship Goals. The story about these two is quite long. All I can say is I’m grateful that I stumbled on the channel. Plus I feel like other people have done the account justice talking about it today.

Afrobloggers

The reason I’m here so exhausted but still sharing this list with you. Afrobloggers is an account I followed shortly after I resumed blogging. They are so welcoming and extremely devoted to uplifting African writers. Through them and this challenge I’ve met amazing bloggers with great talent. If you aren’t following them yet, what are you waiting for honestly?

They are so many accounts I could possibly share but for now that’s all. Make sure to check them out or recommend to people you think would love them.

Sending love to you all. Continue to be safe and cautious during these difficult times

#WinterABC Day 8

I write this sitted in a taxi exactly twelve minutes to curfew time. A bit excited to see what happens if I’m not home by 7pm as the traffic was beyond my control.

I almost didn’t get time to write. The challenge has to continue and I thought what better time to write than this rush hour confusion I got myself into. Anyway getting into today’s topic.

Here are a few and short pointers I think all African content creators can stay away from in this blogging, vlogging and influencing world.

  • Don’t Give Up

Nothing ever comes easy so keep trying but don’t fail to try. Beginnings are pretty hard but with the passion and charisma, things eventually get going. So do not give up.

  • Don’t create purely for fame

Give the people what they need and the fame or popularity will come easily to you. The content and how it’s delivered will draw the fame. Do your part consistently with purpose and allow your followers to celebrate you. Hard work always pays off.

  • Don’t try to cover all topics

Identify your niche and engage to understand it better. Base your content on your niche and be creative in a satisfactory manner. There’s a niche for everyone of us. All it takes is continuous research and the internet to get a hold of it.

Love and light esteemed readers.

Update: Got home at exactly 7:30pm. The police officers didn’t question me. It is important that I’m home and safe. (Thank God)